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casey p
09-20-2006, 06:39 PM
I haven't dated much in the past 6 years. I am finally to the point where I actually like two guys at one time. Right now I've got this rotation going but I know eventually I'm going to have to pick one of them. I REALLY LIKE BOTH OF THEM.

One is an ex-hippie bartender who doesn't make any money but who makes me laugh like none other. He is divorced. People have told me to watch out for him. I have SO MUCH fun with him, though.

One is a banjo player/sound engineer who has a bunch of money who is almost scared to speak to me and is dreadfully shy. He is a friend of a friend. He has not been in a relationship in six years and I'm afraid he has forgotten how to have sex.

Which one would you pick if you were me?

Frank Estrada
09-20-2006, 06:46 PM
Shy people suck. And who cares about money? You have your own money.

Chuk H
09-20-2006, 07:04 PM
Go for the one who has his shit together. When I first started dating my ( now) wife people thought she was frigid. She is not.

Steve P.
09-20-2006, 07:09 PM
It sounds like you should be careful about the both of them, for different reasons. Especially if people have warned you about one of them.

Don Guarisco
09-20-2006, 07:13 PM
It ultimately depends on whether you want a serious boyfriend or a more casual situation. If you're looking for casual, the hippie sounds like the better pick because you're already trying to talk yourself out of the banjo guy.

That said, the fact that you've been warned about the hippie should be throwing up a warning flag for you. My feelings are pretty much the same as Chuk's - I think you should give the underdog a shot. Like I said, though, it all comes down to what you want - and how much you are willing to work.

Frank Estrada
09-20-2006, 07:18 PM
I would rather date a chick who's broke but is fun, than one who has bank but is an antisocial basketcase. And yes, I've dated both.

EDIT: And just to clarify, the first dude you made a point to mention how much fun you have with him. The second guy you didn't mention anything positive aside from his loot. Who warned you about the first guy? Someone who could possibly be jealous in some way?

casey p
09-20-2006, 08:03 PM
The second guy is one of the sweetest men I've ever encountered.

The person who warned me about the first guy has absolutely noooooooooo reason to be jealous in some way. She's married.

Earl Roesel
09-20-2006, 08:17 PM
Shy people suck.

Hey!

Actually, I'm only shy-withdrawn around people I don't know. It's not so much a matter of being afraid or anything -- I just don't have any interest in interacting with them.

But when I do like someone, and have known them for a while, everything opens up. All the personal barriers come down.

Spend some time with the second guy; really try to earn his trust. The pretense will eventually melt away and you'll see who he really is. Then judge whether you like him or not.

Frank Estrada
09-20-2006, 08:26 PM
The person who warned me about the first guy has absolutely noooooooooo reason to be jealous in some way. She's married.

Yeah, but she's your friend, right? Friends get jealous sometimes.

paul h.
09-20-2006, 08:38 PM
To me, it would also depend on what the "warning" about the hippie guy was about. Would it have any impact on your relationship with him? Chuk had a good point about staying with people who have their shit together (and aren't LIARS). Having fun and liking the person is also super important. Best of luck & take your time.

Xavier West
09-20-2006, 09:20 PM
I was out drinking with a couple of girls the other day where they sat around talking about their respective boy friends earning potential. Made me feel distinctly queasy. I can not believe that women in this day and age still talk this way. I've never once heard a man talk about this crap. What the hell is wrong with these women? I'm glad I tend to be attracted to the creative/freaky types who have no money and place no stock by it.

Scott Ruhl
09-20-2006, 09:29 PM
Go with whoever you connect with the most. That's all that matters.

Fred Adelman
09-20-2006, 09:39 PM
Check out why the first guy got a divorce. If it has nothing to do with domestic violence or any type of crime, go for it. He makes you laugh. To me, that is an important quality in a person.

Shy people tend to be introverted. While there is really nothing wrong with that, it seems to me that you wouldn't have mentioned it if it didn't bother you.

Money should play no role in relationships. There's nothing wrong with a woman making more money than a man.

casey p
09-21-2006, 12:58 AM
I make more than the first guy and the same as the second guy. It really is not a factor other than the fact that I am tired of always being the one paying for everything on dates. The last couple of guys I've dated were students.

Fred Adelman
09-21-2006, 01:49 AM
I make more than the first guy and the same as the second guy. It really is not a factor other than the fact that I am tired of always being the one paying for everything on dates. The last couple of guys I've dated were students.

A woman should never have to pay for a date. If you are paying for anything when you go out with men, then you are going out with the wrong men. At least that's the way I was brought up.

Frank Estrada
09-21-2006, 07:43 AM
love > money

Maybe it's the way I was brought up.

Mike Brown
09-21-2006, 10:24 AM
love > money

Maybe it's the way I was brought up.


Yeah, but you were brought up by these guys, right?

http://www.earlham.edu/~guttecu/Pictures/Moms%20Wedding/Em,%20Mom,%20Curt.jpg

Lewis G.
09-21-2006, 11:50 AM
They should fight for you. Blunt weapons, in a cage, wearing leopard g-strings.

Seriously, you should take your time, you'll get to know them even more and maybe you'll know why somebody warned you about the ex-hippie(maybe that was the main reason, he could go reverse mode and become a hippie again :eek: ).

Elske McCain
09-21-2006, 12:25 PM
My new motto as far as dating goes is "No broke dudes". I figure if I follow these guidelines I will be ok. Maybe it will work for you too.

Frank Estrada
09-21-2006, 12:26 PM
Yeah, but you were brought up by these guys, right?


Haha! Naw, my parents had money but I learned (pretty much as soon as I became an adult) that money doesn't mean shit. Lots of asshole/idiots have money, and life is too short to be caught up in all that shit.

For me, it's all about a feeling. I might not even know much about a person, but if she gives me *that* feeling I will definitely explore it because it doesn't happen that often. Money isn't anywhere near the equasion. It's more of an intangible connection between people.

Fred Adelman
09-21-2006, 01:26 PM
Haha! Naw, my parents had money but I learned (pretty much as soon as I became an adult) that money doesn't mean shit. Lots of asshole/idiots have money, and life is too short to be caught up in all that shit.

For me, it's all about a feeling. I might not even know much about a person, but if she gives me *that* feeling I will definitely explore it because it doesn't happen that often. Money isn't anywhere near the equasion. It's more of an intangible connection between people.


Worded perfectly!

J Dewey Wallis
09-21-2006, 07:17 PM
He has not been in a relationship in six years and I'm afraid he has forgotten how to have sex.


Thats just silly. You dont forget how to have sex. C'mon, don't the basic's come naturally, kiss.... rub... lick... insert... thrust...? Sure, if you've been away from nookie you might need a couple of times to get your sea legs, so to speak, but a bad lay is a bad lay because they never had a groove not because they are out of practice.

If someone, who is credible, has warned you about someone, its best to heed that advice. Especially true if multiple people bring up some kind of repeated behavior or personality trait - not some rumor or gossip mill kind of deal- that kind of thing you'd be a fool not to step carefully around.

The two big positives you bring up are "fun" and "sweetness." I guess it depends on which you value more as a trait in a relationship. Theres always the possiblity of a fun person being a jerk or a sweet person being boring, and so on, so you gotta' figure which you prefer to take a chance on.

Frank Estrada
09-21-2006, 07:23 PM
Thats just silly. You dont forget how to have sex. C'mon, don't the basic's come naturally, kiss.... rub... lick... insert... thrust...

You forgot "...repeat". :D

Don Guarisco
09-21-2006, 07:25 PM
The two big positives you bring up are "fun" and "sweetness." I guess it depends on which you value more as a trait in a relationship. Theres always the possiblity of a fun person being a jerk or a sweet person being boring, and so on, so you gotta' figure which you prefer to take a chance on.

Thus far, this is the best advice I've read in this thread.

Frank Estrada
09-21-2006, 07:30 PM
I'll add more bad advice:

Casey, you haven't had a relationship in six years. Obviously, the disadvantages outweighed the advantages. Hold out for a guy who makes the advantages outweigh the disadvantages or you'll be right back where you started. Maybe a third guy will come long and show you that those other two guys were chumps comppared to him, thus your obvious indecisiveness and unwillingness to commit to one or the other.

Chuk H
09-21-2006, 08:42 PM
Haha! Naw, my parents had money but I learned (pretty much as soon as I became an adult) that money doesn't mean shit. Lots of asshole/idiots have money, and life is too short to be caught up in all that shit.

I would like to clairify.

Frank is right, in a way. People who obsese over money tend to be assholes. What I'm talking about is people who are just fucking losers and have no money and no real prospects. They just become parasites.

Living in the once slacker paradise that is ( well...was) Austin I have a certian perspective here. There was a point where, if you were young, you could get by here on a part-time unskilled job. Rents and dope were cheap.

Those days are over in Austin Texas. It's expen$ive to live here now.

I see a lot of the people I know from the slacker heyday and they haven't managed to adapt. It's just sad. Hell, it was fun back in the early 90s. I was there, living la vida loca too. But if you're trying to get by on a close to minimum wage job or working as a doorman and dealing weed you're not going to be happy here these days.

Being a crazy-ass tattoo-covered punk rocker is fine when your in your 20s and even into your 30s but once you get near that four oh you better start to have a game plan unless you want to end up a bum on the streets because you can be damn sure the government is not going to take care of you.

I think about think about these things now that it seems I might actually make it to retirement age. Hell, when I was 20 I thought I'd be dead by 30 so life was one big joke. It's not so funny now and I sometimes wish I'd made better decisions.

I'll be OK. I have a decent job, a great wife and it looks like I may start my own bussiness very soon but I really worry about some of my old friends...well, the ones who are still alive.

So, to sum up, there is a difference in "having one's shit together" and being a rich asshole. Having your shit together just means being able to take care of yourself. God bless the child who's got his own.

Anyway, end of rant. Sorry to sound like a cranky old bastard.

casey p
09-24-2006, 09:52 AM
UPDATE:

My rollerderby league had a slumber party at my house with a 7pc bluegrass band playing in my dining room Friday night! After the slumber party both dudes are well aware that they are vying for my affection. The banjo player was totally scared to talk to me all night but let me put green face mask on him. Some mutual friends were trying to get me to just jump on him. When the ex-hippie showed up with his friends after he got off work we were inseparable and smoked opium on my porch together and giggled until 7am. The banjo player passed out around 3:30am. Banjo player had to work last night and missed my rollerderby expo bout. Ex-hippie took the night off and showed up to the expo bout and we watched fire eaters together after it was over.

The banjo player and I have some mutual friends who were pushing for me to jump on him at the slumber party because he won't make any moves due to his shyness. One of these mutual friends is the girl who warned me about the ex-hippie.

At this point I am thinking that the ex-hippie is in the lead...i am going to give the banjo player a chance to catch up but it isn't looking good, even if he is the more practical, responsible choice.