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Frank Estrada
09-18-2006, 07:43 AM
Troy, what booze would go best with this meal:

salmon with dill sauce
garlic mashed potatoes
mixed veggies

And, alternately:

chili with beans
cornbread
fried okra

Jeremy Wallace
09-18-2006, 09:08 AM
What about:

Bagel Bites
Sour cream and onion Pringles
and baked beans

Tim Young
09-18-2006, 11:32 AM
I want to know if Troy would rather have eaten Chilli dogs with Klaus Kinski, Lee Van Cleef or Vincent Price.

John G.
09-18-2006, 01:38 PM
Troy, how long do you have to massage a chicken before broiling it? Follow up: what method of massage is the most effective? Be as explicit as possible.

Chad Haden
09-18-2006, 02:23 PM
Troy, do YOU know the muffin man?

Jeremy Wallace
09-18-2006, 02:36 PM
Why do I still have a dot matrix printer on my desk at work?

Magnus Wersen
09-18-2006, 02:42 PM
Troy, what is your opinion of a pizza with raw egg and Bearnaise sauce?

Christoffer S
09-18-2006, 03:39 PM
Who is the greatest athlete of all time and why?

and

What is the best meal ever?

Troy Howarth
09-18-2006, 04:48 PM
Troy, what booze would go best with this meal:

salmon with dill sauce
garlic mashed potatoes
mixed veggies

And, alternately:

chili with beans
cornbread
fried okra

The first batch might go well with a decent martini; the second definitely calls for a 40 of Hurricane.

Troy Howarth
09-18-2006, 04:50 PM
What about:

Bagel Bites
Sour cream and onion Pringles
and baked beans

Bagel Bites and beer, preferably Yuengling

Sour cream and onion pringles? I don't know for sure; I gave up chips years ago.

Baked beans - yech. I'd need some Jack Daniels just to convince myself to eat them.

Troy Howarth
09-18-2006, 04:51 PM
I want to know if Troy would rather have eaten Chilli dogs with Klaus Kinski, Lee Van Cleef or Vincent Price.

While I would love to have met all three, the problem is that Kinski would have thrown his in my face if it wasn't up to his standard, while Van Cleef would have creeped me out to much by staring at me instead of eating. I'd go with Vinnie - he was a gourmet.

Troy Howarth
09-18-2006, 04:54 PM
Troy, how long do you have to massage a chicken before broiling it? Follow up: what method of massage is the most effective? Be as explicit as possible.

Well, I'd start off by offering the chicken a little hashish to calm it down. Once mellow, I'd put on some Barry White and start off by telling it what nice talons it had. Having secured its confidence, I'd make sweet love to it all night long; tired out by our amorous activities, the chicken would fall asleep, thus enabling me to lop its head off. After that, I see no need for a massage - I'd just tear into the bloody carcass right then and there. That's some good eatin'.

Troy Howarth
09-18-2006, 04:55 PM
Troy, do YOU know the muffin man?

I used to, but we had a falling out. Nothing can break up a friendship like a hooker in fishnets - *with* a wooden leg.

Troy Howarth
09-18-2006, 04:56 PM
Why do I still have a dot matrix printer on my desk at work?

Because you're basically lazy.

Troy Howarth
09-18-2006, 04:57 PM
Troy, what is your opinion of a pizza with raw egg and Bearnaise sauce?

I'm too busy thinking about kicking the ass of the guy who devised such a notion to form an opinion on its merits.

Troy Howarth
09-18-2006, 04:58 PM
Who is the greatest athlete of all time and why?

and

What is the best meal ever?

Pele, because he acted in a movie with Max Von Sydow.

The best meal ever would have to be lobster and a side of steak. It just doesn't get any better than that.

Chad Haden
09-18-2006, 05:01 PM
Troy, wouldn't you think that one would eventually build up an immunity to the clap? I'd think that after 9 years or so of coming down with it from time to time that eventually you'd have a super dong that wouldn't catch it, but sadly that's not the case :(


or so my friend "luke" tells me

Magnus Wersen
09-18-2006, 05:09 PM
I'm too busy thinking about kicking the ass of the guy who devised such a notion to form an opinion on its merits.

It's very common in Sweden. I think you would like it here! :)

Troy Howarth
09-18-2006, 05:11 PM
Troy, wouldn't you think that one would eventually build up an immunity to the clap? I'd think that after 9 years or so of coming down with it from time to time that eventually you'd have a super dong that wouldn't catch it, but sadly that's not the case :(


or so my friend "luke" tells me

Your buddy Luke knows what he is talking about - alas, you clearly don't have the penis meant to be anti-clap.

Troy Howarth
09-18-2006, 05:15 PM
It's very common in Sweden. I think you would like it here! :)

The Swedes are a peculiar bunch. To me, this sounds about as appetizing as nuts and gum.

Christoffer S
09-18-2006, 05:15 PM
Is sweden gonna be better or worse of since we changed government?

Chad Haden
09-18-2006, 05:17 PM
Your buddy Luke knows what he is talking about - alas, you clearly don't have the penis meant to be anti-clap.

I don't have the clap! Who told you that? She's a lying whore! Never trust girls that graduated from Sacred Heart!

Troy Howarth
09-18-2006, 05:18 PM
I don't have the clap! Who told you that? She's a lying whore! Never trust girls that graduated from Sacred Heart!

It wasn't that one - it was the tranny still taking classes in high school who ratted you out.

Chad Haden
09-18-2006, 05:22 PM
It wasn't that one - it was the tranny still taking classes in high school who ratted you out.

No, I'm pretty sure I know where I caught it. The tranny might of got it from me, but that's not where I got it......fuck

Jeremy Wallace
09-18-2006, 05:25 PM
Troy,

Is Chad wrong about everything? I think he is (at least today).

Chad Haden
09-18-2006, 05:35 PM
Troy,

Am I wrong about everything? I think I am (at least today).


There Jer Bear, I fixed your question for you.

Frank Estrada
09-18-2006, 06:01 PM
Troy, if you were to pass away... who would you leave your dvds to?

Be specific as to who gets what.

Jeremy Wallace
09-18-2006, 06:18 PM
There Jer Bear, I fixed your question for you.


Wrong again!

Troy Howarth
09-19-2006, 07:20 AM
Troy,

Is Chad wrong about everything? I think he is (at least today).

Generally yes, but nobody is wrong 100% of the time.

Troy Howarth
09-19-2006, 07:21 AM
Troy, if you were to pass away... who would you leave your dvds to?

Be specific as to who gets what.

Vultures! Never fear, when I go, my DVDs will be buried with me - in a massive, unmarked grave.

Adam C
09-19-2006, 11:46 PM
Troy, did you choose your current avatar because you want people to have erections while they read your posts?

Richard C
09-20-2006, 02:55 AM
Troy why do birds suddenly appear whenever you are near?

Troy Howarth
09-20-2006, 07:25 AM
Troy, did you choose your current avatar because you want people to have erections while they read your posts?

The way I see it, the brilliance that emanates from my posts is sufficient enough to cause an erection - seeing Rosalba's legs just adds to the experience.

Troy Howarth
09-20-2006, 07:26 AM
Troy why do birds suddenly appear whenever you are near?

There are many different theories about this particular question, but all of them are way off the mark. The truth is, the birds know I'm the man with the master plan - and they wanna be there when I lay it all out on the line.

Richard C
09-20-2006, 08:15 AM
There are many different theories about this particular question, but all of them are way off the mark. The truth is, the birds know I'm the man with the master plan - and they wanna be there when I lay it all out on the line.
Oh. I thought it was because you carried bread crumbs in your pocket.

Frank Estrada
09-20-2006, 08:16 AM
Troy - describe your grossest fast food experience.

Magnus Wersen
09-20-2006, 02:50 PM
Troy, which musical instrument do you feel is the most headache inducing, the didjeridoo, the accordion or the zither?

Ian Jane
09-20-2006, 03:19 PM
Troy - did you notice that the last time I sent you some stuff in the mail there was an unlabelled DVD-R in there? Did you ever watch that DVD-R? Because you should. If you did, what did you think of it? Were you aroused?

Kyle Bachman
09-20-2006, 03:52 PM
Troy, are fat chicks really like mopeds?

do you find these jokes funny?

A baby seal walks in to a club.

Q:what's the difference between acrobats and cheerleader porn?

A:acrobats are known for their cunning stunts.

Do you think mushrooms are trying to take over the world?

Why is it that the last time I took mushrooms, a poster of Bob Dylan started dancing and wiggling?

Why do the Flaming Lips rock so much?

no further questions.

Troy Howarth
09-20-2006, 04:18 PM
Troy - describe your grossest fast food experience.

Back when I was the Burger Bitch, I remember a kid working on the sandwich assembly line who had a bit of a spitting problem when he spoke; 'nuff said.

In terms of eating, I guess it was the time I got food poisoning from Subway -the woman who made the sandwich literally had a moustache... perhaps that's what did me in?

Troy Howarth
09-20-2006, 04:19 PM
Troy, which musical instrument do you feel is the most headache inducing, the didjeridoo, the accordion or the zither?

I like me some accordion and zither music, so I guess I'll go with the ol' didgeridoo.

Troy Howarth
09-20-2006, 04:20 PM
Troy - did you notice that the last time I sent you some stuff in the mail there was an unlabelled DVD-R in there? Did you ever watch that DVD-R? Because you should. If you did, what did you think of it? Were you aroused?

I did, but I did not. I shall watch it soon, however, as I enjoy being aroused.

Troy Howarth
09-20-2006, 04:23 PM
Troy, are fat chicks really like mopeds?

do you find these jokes funny?

A baby seal walks in to a club.

Q:what's the difference between acrobats and cheerleader porn?

A:acrobats are known for their cunning stunts.

Do you think mushrooms are trying to take over the world?

Why is it that the last time I took mushrooms, a poster of Bob Dylan started dancing and wiggling?

Why do the Flaming Lips rock so much?

no further questions.

Are fat chicks like mopeds? I suppose one could draw a parallel, but I'd hate to try and kick start them; that'd be cruel.

I rather enjoy both of those jokes, though I remember hearing the first one when the guy next to me invented fire.

Are mushrooms trying to take over the world? Let's put it this way - they have a leg up on most fungus.

I've no idea why the poster of Dylan started dancing and wiggling... the question is, did this arouse you?

Why do Flaming Lips rock so much? You got me - they fall outside my scope of expertise.

Chad Haden
09-20-2006, 04:28 PM
Troy, are you ready to rock?

Ian Jane
09-20-2006, 04:43 PM
I did, but I did not. I shall watch it soon, however, as I enjoy being aroused.

Get to it, pappy.

Troy Howarth
09-20-2006, 04:47 PM
Troy, are you ready to rock?

Absolutely, but only at a slow and steady pace - I haven't had anything to drink since the weekend.

Scott Ruhl
09-20-2006, 04:52 PM
Today's part of the extended weekend ain't it? Wednesday-Thursday-Friday-Saturday-Sunday.

Horace Cordier
09-20-2006, 06:20 PM
Troy, would you rather have dinner with Christopher Lee or a day on the set of Werner Herzog's next film?

Have you ever gotten a death threat based on one of your reviews?

Name your favorite non-fiction and fiction books.

Have you ever been reamed or railed?

Chad Haden
09-20-2006, 06:46 PM
Troy, if I mixed Dr. Pepper, vodka and bourbon in a big cup, would you drink it?

I just did :)

Troy Howarth
09-21-2006, 07:29 AM
Troy, would you rather have dinner with Christopher Lee or a day on the set of Werner Herzog's next film?

Have you ever gotten a death threat based on one of your reviews?

Name your favorite non-fiction and fiction books.

Have you ever been reamed or railed?

That's a tough call. I guess I'd have to go with a day on Herzog's set, but only because a typical Herzog set is bound to be so unusual.

If by a death threat do you mean pissy feedback, then yes.

Non-fiction: Victoria Price's book on her father, Vincent. Fiction: The Sound and the Fury.

Reamed or railed? Depends on how you look at it...

Lewis G.
09-21-2006, 12:58 PM
Troy,

Once in a while I wake up in an unusual location like a park or public area, my hands are covered in blood and dirt, I smell of burnt tires and wood. And I cant remember what I did the night before. What should I do?

Fred Adelman
09-21-2006, 01:14 PM
Troy:

Is it true that you broke Horace's right index finger by kicking him in the nose? Someone also told me that it happened when you kicked Elton John in the ass. Which one is true?

Gary Banks
09-21-2006, 01:20 PM
Fuck this. Ask the man some serious questions!

Troy, who invented the blow job? Why doesn't this person have a statue or a park named after them? Or why not a holiday?

Christoffer S
09-21-2006, 03:17 PM
Who is your favourite thinker/philospher/whatever ? and why

Troy Howarth
09-21-2006, 04:28 PM
Troy, if I mixed Dr. Pepper, vodka and bourbon in a big cup, would you drink it?

I just did :)

I'm a fan of bourbon, and I can tolerate vodka in small doses... but Dr. Pepper? Take that shit back from whence it came!

Troy Howarth
09-21-2006, 04:29 PM
Troy,

Once in a while I wake up in an unusual location like a park or public area, my hands are covered in blood and dirt, I smell of burnt tires and wood. And I cant remember what I did the night before. What should I do?

You need a good alibi. I suggest saying that you were indulging in heavy-duty S&M with Matthew Allison's mom. They'll buy that.

Troy Howarth
09-21-2006, 04:30 PM
Fuck this. Ask the man some serious questions!

Troy, who invented the blow job? Why doesn't this person have a statue or a park named after them? Or why not a holiday?

I've often wondered this, but the answer is elusive. As to why they don't have a statue or a holiday named after them, this, too, is a damn good question. I'd say it's more worthy of celebration than some holidays.

Troy Howarth
09-21-2006, 04:31 PM
Who is your favourite thinker/philospher/whatever ? and why

Karl Marx, because he was so damn funny in Duck Soup.

Ian Jane
09-21-2006, 04:40 PM
Stop being witty and go watch that DVD-R. Then come back and be witty more.

Chad Haden
09-21-2006, 04:48 PM
I'm a fan of bourbon, and I can tolerate vodka in small doses... but Dr. Pepper? Take that shit back from whence it came!

What if I took the Dr. Pepper out and replaced it with rum?

Shaun C
09-21-2006, 05:08 PM
Troy,
What would you do if your good friend's girlfriend / wife came onto you, and you found her attractive.?

Troy Howarth
09-21-2006, 06:57 PM
What if I took the Dr. Pepper out and replaced it with rum?

Rum is an improvement on Dr. Pepper, but then, so is piss.

Troy Howarth
09-21-2006, 06:58 PM
Troy,
What would you do if your good friend's girlfriend / wife came onto you, and you found her attractive.?

I *like* to think I'd be a good friend and rebuff her advances... in reality, though, any number of different variables might apply.

Horace Cordier
09-21-2006, 07:04 PM
Troy, did you not answer Fred's question about me because it was just so damn stupid?

Also, if you wound up in hell what would be playing at the movie theatre there?

Troy Howarth
09-21-2006, 07:11 PM
Stop being witty and go watch that DVD-R. Then come back and be witty more.

Dude, who can perform under such pressure? Apart from Karl Marx, I mean.

I have to step my way through a Sunrise Adams comp I got my dirty mittens on; then I'll take a look at that DVD-R.

Ian Jane
09-21-2006, 07:13 PM
I have to step my way through a Sunrise Adams comp I got my dirty mittens on; then I'll take a look at that DVD-R.

Your priorities are FUCKED!

Troy Howarth
09-21-2006, 07:14 PM
Troy, did you not answer Fred's question about me because it was just so damn stupid?

Also, if you wound up in hell what would be playing at the movie theatre there?

I'm afraid I just skipped over said question in my haste to answer the other ones, not because it was stupid, but because the answer seems obvious: of course I broke your finger when I kicked you in the head. 'Tis old news...

The movie theatre in hell would no doubt be playing a double feature of The Demon, starring Cameron Mitchell, and Jess Franco's Incubus. The latter would be especially painful in that it would remind me of all the *good* Franco films I'm being deprived of.

Jonny Redman
09-21-2006, 07:14 PM
Troy,

If you could have a 3 day holiday in any location in the world, where would it be and why?

Troy Howarth
09-21-2006, 07:15 PM
Your priorities are FUCKED!

Au contraire, Monsieur Jane: Sunrise is a hot-tee.

Ian Jane
09-21-2006, 08:22 PM
Au contraire, Monsieur Jane: Sunrise is a hot-tee.

She ain't got nothin' on what you haven't seen yet.

Fred Adelman
09-21-2006, 08:50 PM
I'm afraid I just skipped over said question in my haste to answer the other ones, not because it was stupid, but because the answer seems obvious: of course I broke your finger when I kicked you in the head. 'Tis old news...

The movie theatre in hell would no doubt be playing a double feature of The Demon, starring Cameron Mitchell, and Jess Franco's Incubus. The latter would be especially painful in that it would remind me of all the *good* Franco films I'm being deprived of.

Ok, so Horace's head was up Elton John's ass, right?

Frank Estrada
09-21-2006, 09:02 PM
Troy, what was your favorite toy as a child?

Richard C
09-22-2006, 03:36 AM
Troy are you fed up with answering questions from a bunch of deadbeats for whom are unworthy of your precious time and superior intelligence?

Troy Howarth
09-22-2006, 07:20 AM
Troy,

If you could have a 3 day holiday in any location in the world, where would it be and why?

Probably Rome, simply because so many of my idols did their work there - not to mention the Italian chick factor.

Troy Howarth
09-22-2006, 07:21 AM
Ok, so Horace's head was up Elton John's ass, right?

How could it be any other way?

Troy Howarth
09-22-2006, 07:22 AM
Troy, what was your favorite toy as a child?

Probably my Mask action figures. They were my pride and joy - until my dog chewed them to bits on Christmas eve.

Troy Howarth
09-22-2006, 07:23 AM
Troy are you fed up with answering questions from a bunch of deadbeats for whom are unworthy of your precious time and superior intelligence?

Not at all. You see, I regard it as something of a civic duty to help out the shlubs and peons of this world.

Fred Adelman
09-22-2006, 11:18 AM
Troy:

This deadbeat has one more question to ask you (if it's OK with that wanker R.C.):


If I give you two $1 bills, would you swallow them and shit me out $1.85 in change? I need the coins to buy postage out of a vending machine. You can keep the extra $0.15 as a handling fee. Thanks.

Troy Howarth
09-22-2006, 04:50 PM
Troy:

This deadbeat has one more question to ask you (if it's OK with that wanker R.C.):


If I give you two $1 bills, would you swallow them and shit me out $1.85 in change? I need the coins to buy postage out of a vending machine. You can keep the extra $0.15 as a handling fee. Thanks.

Absolutely! Not everybody has mastered this technique, but believe me when I say, it's the wave of the future.

Frank Estrada
09-22-2006, 05:50 PM
Dear Troy,

Remember when we made up fake tv shows, and one of them was called "Troy Howarth Reads The Classics"? Did you read the classics?

Fred Adelman
09-22-2006, 08:32 PM
Troy is my personal CoinStar! :D

Richard C
09-23-2006, 04:58 AM
This deadbeat has one more question to ask you (if it's OK with that wanker R.C.):
I hope that was meant in good humour as my post was....

Troy Howarth
09-23-2006, 12:17 PM
Dear Troy,

Remember when we made up fake tv shows, and one of them was called "Troy Howarth Reads The Classics"? Did you read the classics?

Not all of them, but for a flat rate of $10 per volume, I'll catch up on all the ones I've missed.

Troy Howarth
09-23-2006, 12:18 PM
I hope that was meant in good humour as my post was....

This thread is hardly the place for good humor - leave that shit on the doorstep... we want *bad* humor, and lots of it.

Fred Adelman
09-23-2006, 12:37 PM
I hope that was meant in good humour as my post was....

It was Richard, it was. I would never start a fight using the word "wanker"! :D



















































(Do you think he believed me?)

Troy Howarth
09-23-2006, 12:51 PM
Hell, I don't even believe you.

























WANKER

Fred Adelman
09-23-2006, 12:54 PM
THEM IS FIGHTIN' WORDS!!!!















































Wanker X2 to infinity.

Troy Howarth
09-23-2006, 06:00 PM
Challenge accepted.







































Wanker, wanker, polly wanker

Fred Adelman
09-23-2006, 09:17 PM
I'm throwing down the gauntlet, Troy! I challenge your challenge.













































Wanker, wanker, yank yer cranker (X2 to infinity. With a cherry on top).

Troy Howarth
09-24-2006, 01:56 AM
Is this it, Fred? A few crusty bitches and a handful of ragtags? May the Christian Lord guide my hand to cut down your Roman potpourri!































W - A - N - K - E - R (Loaded with whipped cream and a side of fries)

Fred Adelman
09-24-2006, 02:08 AM
What I don't believe in cannot hurt me. :eek:

Here's a question for ya:

Why is it when you shave your balls (as I have read in another thread), that you sweat profusely down there even when it is not hot and humid?
















































Give me a W-A-N-K-E-R. What does it spell? TROY! TROY! TROY!

Troy Howarth
09-24-2006, 02:14 AM
What I don't believe in cannot hurt me. :eek:

Here's a question for ya:

Why is it when you shave your balls (as I have read in another thread), that you sweat profusely down there even when it is not hot and humid?
















































Give me a W-A-N-K-E-R. What does it spell? TROY! TROY! TROY!

I have given up on the practice of shaving my balls, largely because I don't have anybody to show them off to these days. That said, I can't say for certain why it is that this phenomenon you are describing exists - all I know is, I wouldn't change it for all the world.





















A guy walks into a bar and says, "Hey, you ever heard of Fred Adelman?" The bartender spits in the guys face and shouts, "Him? He's a FUCKING WANKER!"

Fred Adelman
09-24-2006, 02:25 AM
A guy walks into a bar and says, "Hey, you ever heard of Fred Adelman?" The bartender spits in the guys face and shouts, "Him? He's a FUCKING WANKER!"

OUCH! That's emotionally hurtful. I know that bartender. He double dips into the register. And sells coke on the side. It figures he's a friend of yours. :D



































Knock, Knock!
Who's there?
Troy
Troy who?
Troy the emotionally hurtful WANKER!

Richard C
09-24-2006, 07:22 AM
(Do you think he believed me?)
Of course I believe you













































Wanker.... ;)

Troy Howarth
09-25-2006, 07:20 AM
OUCH! That's emotionally hurtful. I know that bartender. He double dips into the register. And sells coke on the side. It figures he's a friend of yours. :D



































Knock, Knock!
Who's there?
Troy
Troy who?
Troy the emotionally hurtful WANKER!

The sad part is, the bartender is your real father.






















Smack that shit up, WANKER!

Fred Adelman
09-25-2006, 10:48 PM
Hey Troy:

Fred Adelman
09-25-2006, 11:05 PM
Hey Troy (Part 2):

Troy Howarth
09-26-2006, 07:21 AM
Look at Fred bustin' out the family album... :D